OK, I've given-up smoking, I may as well give-up drinking (because that's clearly next on the government agenda), and I'm down to two cups of coffee a day. So what shall I spend all this spare money on? Well sunscreen of course.
According to advice, (and there's plenty of that coming my way from the moment I switch-on the TV news every morning) sunscreen should be applied every two hours. The recommended amount of sun cream per application is 25ml, but I’m not quite sure how we’re supposed to measure that out. Still, 25ml it is.
Let's do the math (as our American cousins would say): a 200ml bottle of SPF 20 sun protection seems to cost around £5. Nice and easy, that's eight applications. Eight applications each protecting me for two hours equates to sixteen hours in the sun. Bargain, I hear you say. Uh-huh, except of course, if you actually work outdoors; then it's two days-worth. That's around £55 per month if you stay indoors at the weekend. If you go out and get some fresh-air and exercise on those days too (don’t forget your healthy lifestyle), you can add another twenty quid and multiply that by the number of people in your family.
Mind you, it's not all bad news for outdoor workers: if they follow some of the other advice I’ve seen, they need to go to lunch between eleven o’clock and three, to get out of the sun altogether: somewhere shady; a pub for instance. Which is why, I imagine, the incidence of skin-cancer amongst builders must be very low.
To add insult to injury, I'm told that even on overcast days it's still very important to maintain a sun protection regime. UVB is apparently very good at penetrating cloud-cover. Then again, I guess the constant re-application of sun cream will give me something to do whilst I'm sat on the roof of my house waiting to be helecoptered away by Air-Sea Rescue. Maybe I should just buy a life-raft with a built-in foil-lined tent; I'll undertake a cost / benefit analysis later: cancel contents insurance, buy boat.
Obviously, nobody wants skin-cancer and, short of getting into an argument about global warming, there is nobody to blame for UV radiation except the sun. My gripe is this: firstly, I don’t need it rammed down my throat first-thing every morning, especially when it’s pouring with rain outside; secondly, and call me cynical if you will, the only message that comes-over loud and clear is: if you want real protection, don’t buy the cheap stuff! Value Sunscreen? You may as well coat yourself in lard and lay naked on a sun bed for a week.
Maybe if we didn’t all feel the need to always get the absolute “best” product that money can buy (or as it’s sometimes known, the most expensive), personal debt in this country might not be at the trillion pounds it is today.
That’s why this summer; you'll find me jogging around the garden, dressed from head to toe in water-proofs and hat with a 4" brim, wielding my newly-patented umbrasol. Crikey, I nearly forgot my UV400 specs, sorry, eyewear. I was going to go to Spain but I can't afford it since I spent all my money on sun protection. Mind you, as soon as my patent comes through, I'll be selling my umbrasols for £50 each: any takers?
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